My Favorite Breakfast Makes My Kid Gag

Dear Turkey,

As you may know, I am really boring and I have been enjoying the same breakfast for, like, the last two years. Pretty much every day. But even a glance at my cereal makes my child gag. Before anybody rushes off to OT or PT, I'd like to add that cereal made me gag until I was six years old, and I couldn't eat salad until I was 12. I got over my sensory issues (at least those two), and I'm sure he will too. In the meantime I needed to find some new breakfast recipes that we could all eat together, like, sitting in the same room at the same time. 

I wanted something that was whole wheat-y and takes less time to eat than a bowl of cereal. I also wanted it to be sweet enough to eat plain but plain enough to be eaten with butter, jam, or nutella.Oh, and it has to be easy to make, of course. I adapted this recipe from this cool blog, and it totally meets/exceeds those criteria (and by "adapted" I mean that made it vegan and I increased the yield so they won't be gone in one hour). 

Oatmeal Raisin Breakfast Bars (adapted from Budget Bytes)

Ingredients:

3 c oatmeal

2 c whole wheat flour

2/3 c brown sugar

2 t baking powder

1/2 t salt

2 t cinnamon

2 t vanilla

1 c canola oil 

4 T flax or sesame seeds

2 c vanilla soymilk, whole milk, or a combo (if you use all whole milk you might want to increase the sugar)

1 c raisins

Directions:

Combine all ingredients in a big giant bowl and mix until the lumps stop bothering you. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 mins in a big, oiled, pyrex baking dish. 

Enjoy,

Boring Tofu

Even Easier Dinosaur BBQ Beans and Rice

Dear Turkey,

If you have been too lazy to enjoy my other Dinosaur BBQ Rice and Beans, here is an even lazier version. First, take all of the old veggies out of your fridge and saute them in some olive oil (I used red onion, white onion, shallots, carrots, and Italian parsley). I made Texmati rice with veggie broth in the rice cooker:

Add a few T of honey, Dinosaur BBQ sauce (I told you it was easy), and lemon juice:

 

When everything is deliciously brown, add a big can of black beans, undrained. Cook it down as much as you like, and add more seasonings to taste (these beans were unusual for me because I left out my usual friends garlic and cumin). Wrap it all up in a burrito with cheese and salsa:

For a low-cal dessert, spread nutella in a tortilla shell, microwave it, and sprinkle with cocoa (haha):

Here is a real low-cal dessert -- blend frozen mango, soymilk, yogurt, and honey and freeze in popsicle molds:
 

Enjoy,

Tofu

Those Fruity Vinegars

Dear Turkey,

Remember when you gave me these fruity vinegars?

I know, it was probably for Christmas, but I was saving them. You can stop judging me now because I finally used them:

I cooked some scallops in some butter, oil, salt, and garlic (enough so that you can flip them, but not so much so that they don't stick at all, since you want them to get all crispy), flipping them once, until they were nice and brown and their middles were 135 degrees. Then I removed the scallops and the fat and deglazed the hot pan with white wine, lime juice, and the blood orange fruity vinegar (again, just enough of each so that there is a centimeter or two of liquid in the bottom of the pan). I scraped the browned umami-sensation-fat off of the bottom of the pan for a minute or two, and poured the sauce over the scallops. Deglazing the pan makes delicious sauce and makes you feel like you really know how to cook every time you say it. 

I served them with a risotto kind of like this one and asparagus. 

For dessert, ice cream from where I got married topped with balsamic/blackberry fruity vinegar sauce/caramel. I know in my head that vinegar is really just sugar, but it's still fun to cook it down (slowly!) until it turns into a sauce/caramel/rock (depending on how long you cook it). I didn't add any extra sugar or fat or anything:

So you can feel free to buy me some more presents, now that you know I'm not saving them,

Tofu

Try This Rich Mom Trick

Dear People with Rich Moms (or at least moms who are richer than you),

The next time you are over at your mom's house (other people live there too, like my dad, but my mom is the person who goes to Wegmans), ask her to purchase these deliciously expensive organic snacks:

 

They taste just like the cheap ones that are full of chemicals that you enjoyed when you were a kid and your mom didn't know better (jk, Mom, you were always a Granola Girl), but they cost way more money, so you can feel really good about eating a box of each in one sitting. Seriously, though, these are two awesome companies and you will not regret making your mom buy these.

Enjoy,

Tofu

And Now For Something I'm Not Ashamed Of

Dear Turkey,

Now that you have a flat belly, you can try this un-flat belly trick --

One Pot, One (okay, ten) Minute Lemony Parsley-y Pasta:

First, I would like to say that I have a flat belly and I eat pasta all the time, so don't believe those haters. 

Second, cook some beautiful veggie elbows (or whatever elbows your mom has). Meanwhile, microwave a T or 2 of butter in your eating bowl (no other bowls required). While it's still hot, add about the same amount of olive oil and lemon, a few twists of pepper, and a generous handful of cut up parsley. I usually prefer Italian parsley but the curly kind was really good here. Make sure that the butter is hot enough to wilt the parsley and also help the flavors marry while the pasta cooks (it is the officiant at the wedding of these flavors). Then dump the drained pasta on top of the sauce and top with some tomatoes and cheese (if you don't use cheese, put some salt in the sauce). 

Just try it, and you will like me more,
Tofu

Try This Flat Belly Trick

1) Lie on your back and place one dish of Nature's Perfect Food on your belly (see below):

2) If you don't make your belly flat, Nature's Perfect Food will spill all over the place!

Dinosaur BBQ Beans and Rice

Dear Turkey,

As you know, I am a lazy cook and I like to avoid things that take time, like chopping, and washing vegetables (just kidding, Dad). I think that my usual no-chopping beans and rice is so good that it's not worth any extra time/chopping/veggies/etc. However, I went back to an old standby, Dinosaur BBQ Rice and Beans, made it a little easier, and beamed with pride when everybody told me how it was even better than my usual delicious rice and beans. 

Here's what I did:

For the rice:

Cook 4 c white rice in the rice cooker with 4 T olive oil and 1 T salt.

For the beans:

Saute one large onion, 3 cloves garlic, and one green pepper (all diced or minced) with just enough olive oil (not like usual, when I use lots), and 2 T oregano, 2 T cumin, 1 bay leaf and 1 t black pepper. Keep scraping the bottom of the pan so that it doesn't stick and burn (that's what happens when you only use 1-2 T olive oil, but it makes it tasty), and cook until everything is starting to brown. Then add 4 cans of Goya black beans, un-drained, 1/4 c brown sugar, 1/3 c sherry, 1/4 c red wine vinegar, and 1 t Tabasco sauce. Keep cooking and stirring until most of the water has cooked off (so you can eat it on a plate, not a bowl), and then season to taste and remove the bay leaf:

For dessert, the rest of your ice cream cake (I am ashamed):

Enjoy,

Tofu