Nachyo Averages Nachos

Dear Tofurkey,

Before I head of for the wilderness of a foreign land (because you know untamed Tokyo is...), I decided I must impart my nacho wisdom to you and all our adoring blog fans. These nachos alleviate ailments great and small. They cure loneliness, bolster spirits, and banish plague, leprosy, incontinence, impotence (these claims have not been evaluated by the FDA or any other agency and individual results may vary).

The secret to awesome nachos is to make the world's best sauces to go with them. Now, I cannot teach how to make the world's best guacamole. It's an innate spiritual thing. But I can give instructions, that with practice, will get you so close that the lay nacho-eater will probably not notice the difference.

Take a couple avocadoes and scoop them into a bowl. Add some very small dice red onion, at least the juice of one lime, lots of cilantro leaves, some diced jalapeno (fresh or pickled) and some salt and pepper. Mash it up. Taste it. If it's awesome, you're done. If it's not, dry your tears and add more of these ingredients until the balance = awesome.

I also made a tomatillo sauce for this that Angel and Jen couldn't stop raving about. In a baking dish, I put six halved tomatillos (sliced horizontally, not vertically), half a red onion, a serrano pepper, and a bulb of garlic. I roasted these forabout 30 minutes at 400. I added them to my awesome Vitamix blender (it will change your life [Vitamix, if you give one to Tofurkey, I bet we'll do whole posts about them and you'll make more money back in free advertising!]). I added a peeled lime, some cilantro leaves, some jalapenos, and some salt and pepper. Blend on high.

OK, but those are just the dressings. We also used some good red salsa and Greek yogurt in place sour cream. But come on! What about those awesome nachos, you ask? Well, as I explained, the sauces are half the battle and can be made ahead of time.

For the nachos, I put a couple bags of chips in the bottom of a baking dish. I try to use different color, organic chips made with different things. The two flavors and colors make the nachos beautiful and tasty. On top of this, I add ground beef or turkey cooked with seasoning. This, I know, will not be your thing, but I highly recommend it. You could substitute shrimp, maybe tofu (but I wouldn't; tofu is anti-nacho for me), or beans. I make my own seasoning which consists of lots of chili powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper with some cumin, oregano, and red pepper flakes. After the meat is cooked, I add a cup of water with this mix and a bit of potato starch. This works much better than the packets in the store and allows you to season however you like.

Once this has cooled and there's no liquid left, I put these on top of the chips. Then I sprinkle over it black beans and fajita onions and peppers. Now grate cheese (I like sharp cheddar but mixing cheeses is also good just take not: the awesomeness of nachos is in proportion to the amount of cheese) over top of this. Then sprinkle corn over this and put it in the over until the cheese melts. Pop the broiler on for just a bit if you like a crust.

When you take them out, they will look ready to eat but hold yourself back to add sliced olives. Use a spatula to put some on a plate and add fresh diced tomato and spinach or lettuce. Now add sauces and there you have it. Anti-sadness on a plate.

I tried to take a picture of the nachos still in a pan, but they are so good, I can't ever think of anything but eating them when they come out so I only have pictures of my plate and Angel's. If you're me, the chips in the pan are enough.

If you're Angel, and your boyfriend may not have preserved the crisp in every chip in the pan, you need extra chips, artfully arranged as gravestones in a nacho cemetery.

Use this recipe carefully. Side effects to anti-sadness, no-plague nachos may include weight gain and uncontrollable desire to make them again and again.

Love,

Turkey