Don't Tell My Husband

Dear Deb Perelman,

Thank you so much for asking me to review your new book, The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook. I can't tell you how much I am enjoying being a rich-and-famous-blogger like you. I'll be on the lookout for my complimentary copy; you know my address.

On the whole, I really loved your book. Your photography is awesome. That's probably because you use an actual camera, no matter how tempting it might be to reach for that free phone camera. (I'm guessing you don't have a free phone either -- the perks of being rich and famous). Your recipes are also awesome, except the ones with meat in them.

Now that I've given two "nice" comments, it's time for the one "constructive criticism" comment: your jokes could be funnier. It's not that they're not funny, but, take my from-one-rich-and-famous-blogger-to-another advice: when you're feeling a joke, just go for it. Don't second-guess yourself and don't write yourself out of something funny.

Example (p43 [I'm not a grad student anymore so I'm not going to provide you with an MLA citation]): "You can get either made to order frighteningly cheap anywhere -- the deli, the bodega, some bars, the average corner store, where you can stock up on beer, lottery tickets, or cat litter along with breakfast. The randomness of these transactions is one of my favorite things about New York."

Okay, this is funny. However, it would be funnier if you took out the last sentence (or took out the last sentence and replaced it with "poop" -- Turkey, that was for you). Just let your jokes be funny. I get them; you don't need to tell me why.

Back to why you have a fabulous cookbook and why I'm writing this post on a $300 laptop in a cabin in the middle of the woods: your baby is older than mine. Actually, it might be your recipes. Just to test my theory, I made this one (by the way: "respect" that this isn't a link to your blog; you actually have enough recipes for your blog AND a cookbook; and there is only one of you).

oh yeah...these are good...

especially if you replace the milk with...breastmilk (just kidding: heavy cream)

In conclusion, I really loved your book. Reading it made me hungry. And don't worry, my husband will never know about this baking adventure; your recipe only made eight pretzels and I've already eaten three of them. And he won't be home for another few hours.

Mazel Tov,
Tofu