Sweet AND Savory Onion Bread

Dear Mark Bittman,

Thank you for inventing this sweet AND savory onion bread. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical when I saw the recipe, because I am lazy and I didn't want to pre-cook the onions, but I trust you, and, once again, you didn't let me down.

First, I cooked 2 c of onions (sliced thin and not too long) in 2 or 3 T of butter until they were clear and soft but not too brown. Then I buttered a pie plate and sprinkled 2 T of brown sugar on top of the butter. I poured the onions on top of that.

Then I mixed 2 c flour, 1 T baking powder, 1 t salt, 1 t sugar, 1 egg, 1 c milk, and 1/4 c oil. I poured that whole business on top of the onions and baked it at 350 degrees for 35-40 mins (it won't take as long as you think, but, then again, I guess you would know).

While it was baking I cooked some eggplant, carrots, zucchini, garlic, and potatoes in sesame oil, butter, brown sugar, tamari, and rice vinegar. It was kind of like an Asian stir fry/stew. I poured it over the bread and ate it with a fork and lots of hot sauce.

Good job, Mark,

Tofu

Sundried Tomato Pesto

Dear Turkey,

Sundried tomato pesto: umami taste sensation, full of good healthy fats, a little bit sweet so when you eat it with salty chips you can't stop, a good way to stretch those expensive sundried tomatoes. 

I used to make this all the time, and then I kind of forgot about it, but it's really good. And if you have weird friends who don't like sundried tomatoes, you might be able to trick them with this if it's a texture thing.

Sundried tomato pesto adapted from one of my favorite cookbooks:

In your vitamix blender that will be smelling hot by the time this is over, blend:

1 jar (8 or 12 oz) sundried tomatoes and their oil

1 c pine nuts or pecans if you're cheap

1 regular-size can black olives (pour off about 90% of the brine first)

1 c italian parsley

1 T salt

2-4 T lemon juice, or however much you need to make it blend-able (you can also add water if it's getting too lemony)

 

If you run out of chips, it's awesome on pasta or in a wrap.

Enjoy,

Tofu

Spring Rolls Help You Gain Friends and Influence People

Dear Dale Carnegie,

Have you ever just wished you could gain friends and influence people? Well, I have. That's when I discovered spring rolls.They are cheap and easy to make, but, because restaurants charge you $5 for two of them, many American people of non-Asian descent can be tricked into thinking that you're an amazing cook if you make spring rolls for them. This simple trick has allowed me to make friends with and influence my family many times, even though they have happily fallen for the same trick many times before. For example, last night I made the spring rolls, and I then influenced my family members to do the dishes (by leaving right after dinner, another famous trick). 

These spring rolls are really awesome because of the tofu. I've been trying to make crispy, saucy tofu for a long time (kind of like how I imagine General Tso's Chicken would taste like, minus the chicken). This time, I actually followed the directions and drained and pressed the tofu (under a plate with some stuff on top of it), before I cornstarch-ed it, and I think it really made a difference. Also, frying scares me, but I knew that I needed to use enough oil to necessitate a lid on the pan, the exhaust fan, and a long-sleeved shirt; otherwise it won't work.

I followed the recipe from this cool blog, but I'm going to copy and paste it here because

1) I'm lazy

2) I actually DID follow the directions, so you should, too

Vietnamese Spring Rolls with Crispy Tofu:

Ingredients

Spring Rolls

• 1/2 cup each julienned carrots, red pepper and cucumber
• 1 bunch fresh cilantro
• 1 bunch fresh mint
• 4 ounces vermicelli or rice noodles (the thinner the better)
• 8-10 Rice Spring Roll Papers

Almond Butter Dipping Sauce

• 1/3 cup salted creamy almond butter
• 1 Tbsp reduced sodium soy sauce (GF if gluten free)
• 1-2 Tbsp brown sugar, agave or honey if not vegan (depending on preferred sweetness)
• 1 Tbsp fresh lime juice
• 1/2 tsp chili garlic sauce
• Hot water to thin

Crispy Tofu

• 8 ounces extra firm tofu, drained and thoroughly dried/pressed
• 4 Tbsp sesame oil, divided
• 3 Tbsp cornstarch
• 2.5 Tbsp almond butter dipping sauce
• 1 Tbsp reduced sodium soy sauce
• 1 Tbsp brown sugar or agave nectar

Instructions

1. Start by preparing rice noodles in boiling hot water for about 10 minutes (read instructions on package), then drain and set aside.
2. Meanwhile, heat a large skillet over medium heat and cut pressed tofu into small rectangles. Toss in 3 Tbsp cornstarch and flash fry in ~3 Tbsp sesame oil, flipping on all sides to ensure even browning – about 5 minutes. Remove from skillet and set aside.
3. Prep veggies and prepare almond butter sauce by adding all sauce ingredients except water to a small mixing bowl and whisk to combine. Add enough hot water to thin until a pourable sauce is achieved. Adjust flavors as needed (I often add a little more chili garlic sauce and brown sugar).
4. To add more flavor to the tofu, transfer ~2.5 Tbsp of the sauce to a small bowl and add an additional Tablespoon each of soy sauce, sesame oil and brown sugar (or agave) and whisk to combine.
5. Add tofu back to the skillet over medium heat and add “sauce/glaze,” stirring to coat. Cook for several minutes or until all of the sauce is absorbed and the tofu looks glazed, stirring frequently (see photos). Set aside with prepared veggies and vermicelli noodles.
6. To assemble spring rolls, pour very hot water into a shallow dish or skillet and immerse rice paper to soften for about 10-15 seconds.
7. Transfer to a damp cutting board or damp towel and gently spread out edges into a circle. It may take a little practice, so don’t feel bad if your first few attempts are a fail!
8. To the bottom third of the wrapper add a small handful of vermicelli noodles and layer carrots, bell peppers, cucumber, fresh herbs and 2-3 pieces of tofu on top (see photo). Gently fold over once, tuck in edges, and continue rolling until seam is sealed.
9. Place seam-side down on a serving platter and cover with damp warm towel to keep fresh. Repeat until all fillings are used up – about 8-10 spring rolls total.
10. Serve with almond butter sauce and sriracha or hot sauce of choice. I like to mix mine and go dip happy.
11. Leftovers store well individually wrapped in plastic wrap, though best when fresh.

 

I used unsalted almond butter and non-reduced-sodium tamari, and that worked fine. I also increased the amount of noodles and that made enough to use a whole package of wrappers. I used brown sugar for all of the sweeteners. (So much for following the directions.)

 

If you are lucky enough to have a spouse who is a better cook than you are and doesn't want to embarrass you by letting you put his stuff on your blog, you could ask him to make a Korean BBQ dipping sauce to go with these as well. Hypothetical situation. 

 

Good luck, Dale,

Tofu

My Favorite Breakfast Makes My Kid Gag

Dear Turkey,

As you may know, I am really boring and I have been enjoying the same breakfast for, like, the last two years. Pretty much every day. But even a glance at my cereal makes my child gag. Before anybody rushes off to OT or PT, I'd like to add that cereal made me gag until I was six years old, and I couldn't eat salad until I was 12. I got over my sensory issues (at least those two), and I'm sure he will too. In the meantime I needed to find some new breakfast recipes that we could all eat together, like, sitting in the same room at the same time. 

I wanted something that was whole wheat-y and takes less time to eat than a bowl of cereal. I also wanted it to be sweet enough to eat plain but plain enough to be eaten with butter, jam, or nutella.Oh, and it has to be easy to make, of course. I adapted this recipe from this cool blog, and it totally meets/exceeds those criteria (and by "adapted" I mean that made it vegan and I increased the yield so they won't be gone in one hour). 

Oatmeal Raisin Breakfast Bars (adapted from Budget Bytes)

Ingredients:

3 c oatmeal

2 c whole wheat flour

2/3 c brown sugar

2 t baking powder

1/2 t salt

2 t cinnamon

2 t vanilla

1 c canola oil 

4 T flax or sesame seeds

2 c vanilla soymilk, whole milk, or a combo (if you use all whole milk you might want to increase the sugar)

1 c raisins

Directions:

Combine all ingredients in a big giant bowl and mix until the lumps stop bothering you. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 mins in a big, oiled, pyrex baking dish. 

Enjoy,

Boring Tofu

Even Easier Dinosaur BBQ Beans and Rice

Dear Turkey,

If you have been too lazy to enjoy my other Dinosaur BBQ Rice and Beans, here is an even lazier version. First, take all of the old veggies out of your fridge and saute them in some olive oil (I used red onion, white onion, shallots, carrots, and Italian parsley). I made Texmati rice with veggie broth in the rice cooker:

Add a few T of honey, Dinosaur BBQ sauce (I told you it was easy), and lemon juice:

 

When everything is deliciously brown, add a big can of black beans, undrained. Cook it down as much as you like, and add more seasonings to taste (these beans were unusual for me because I left out my usual friends garlic and cumin). Wrap it all up in a burrito with cheese and salsa:

For a low-cal dessert, spread nutella in a tortilla shell, microwave it, and sprinkle with cocoa (haha):

Here is a real low-cal dessert -- blend frozen mango, soymilk, yogurt, and honey and freeze in popsicle molds:
 

Enjoy,

Tofu