Figs: What Did I Miss?

Dear Turkey,
I loved your last post; good thing I'm not the jealous type. And congratualtions on eating Nato. I have been told that I am one of a select few white people who actually like(s?) it.
Now I would like to tell you a sad story:
My husband has been working a lot. He often leaves the house before seven and, if he doesn't get back until seven or eight, he has almost missed baby bedtime. Sometimes when he comes home late I have meltdowns. You are now leaving the "poor me" section of this post. Thank you for visiting.
Anyway, the other day I saw that there were fresh figs at the store. We had never had them before and I figured they were good because they were expensive (3 for $2). I thought they would make a romantic little mid-week dinner for my stressed-out little family (complete with sick baby). So I brought them home and served them up with some delicious gorgonzola cheese, two kinds of homemade bread, marmalade, and cider:

Beautiful, right? But not tasty. In fact, they weren't even as good as dried figs (which I love). I did my research and I know that they don't ripen off the tree, that they're soft when ripe and fermented when overripe, and some people eat the skin and some don't (I highly recommend this book). But they just tasted kind of...eh...and a little bitter.
You are now entering the part of this post where I challenge the readers to help me solve my problem in the comments section of our blog. Okay...go!...have at it, readers...I expect at least 100 comments by lunchtime!
I moss you,
Tofu